The “Do It Yourself” acronym DIY is a three letter word that should strike fear into my heart, yet sadly it often doesn’t. Not that I’m against the odd spot of manly tool brandishing. I enjoy waving a hammer as well as the next guy, but my “handyman” gene, which is surprisingly strong in my Father, seems to be missing. So although tools are fun, their effectiveness is rarely guaranteed.

I began pulling down a rickety old pergola out the back of our house today. Within the space of just over two hours I had fallen off a ladder and also stepped backward onto a nail that went through my shoe and into my foot. I survived the ladder drop without any damage. Actually, the adrenaline rush I received probably got me through the next two hours of lugging wood and bashing out rusted screws. The nail in the foot has dampened my spirits somewhat though. I sit here writing this with images of gangrenous amputations floating through my brain as I try to avoid remembering the feeling of metal pushing through the fleshy sole of my foot. What is it that drives us to DIY? I am convinced it is a gene; otherwise we wouldn’t still do it. We’d call an expert. If I ever get an infected pancreas I’m not going to remove it myself, I’m going to go to the doctor. When I have a desire to eat roast beef I’m not going to pop out and start slicing up a cow, I’ll visit my local butcher. I shudder to imagine a DIY filling if I ever get tooth decay. If my veranda needs replacing, though, something inside overrides my otherwise fairly stable sense of sanity. All of a sudden, without training or special safety gear, I happily shoot up a ladder and suspend myself precariously above a concrete path.

The DIY appeal may also lie in the allure of saving precious dollars. I mean, really, how hard can it be to pull something apart? Why waste money paying someone to do that? Putting stuff together is a whole different story. I’ve already organised help for the construction of the new pergola. I tried assembling my daughters’ swing set for Christmas and realized when I’d nearly finished that most of the swing assembly was inside out. I also snapped a bolt, and by over-tightening several others bent a major support pole out of shape. My aim was to make it tight to make it safe. Having snapped and warped two integral pieces I think my plan backfired. Back to the money saving then, I’d figured even if I’m not great at putting stuff together I obviously have a knack for wrecking things. Demolition seemed right up my alley. Unfortunately I am well on the way to spending my “savings” on various medical expenses, and also now walk with a limp.

Successful DIY obviously relies on having both the “handyman” gene as well as the “DIY” gene. Otherwise you end up really handy but with no desire to do anything, or the desire to work on a project but a complete lack of skill. Of course, those without either gene are probably the safest. These people cleverly use their spare time selling stuff on Ebay so they can hire someone else to do the dirty work.